the end of the world as we know it.

[katster]

I just finished the last book of the Left Behind series.

The verdict? Sadly disappointing. There's *so* much that can be done around the theme of "trouble in paradise", and... well, Jerry Jenkins is not the guy to do it. It was okay, but it mostly only covers the first hundred years of the Millennium, and meh.

Just disappointing.

Also, any book that has the following quote in the introduction:

It should be plain from our treatment of this great future period that we are the opposites of anti-Semites. Indeed, we hold that the entire Bible contains God's love letter to and plan for His chosen people. If Israel had no place within the future Kingdom of God, we could no longer trust the Bible.

What you might not know by reading simply this extracted quote is that the only way a Jew was getting into the Millennial Kingdom was to confess that Jesus is Lord. That doesn't quite strike me as the opposite of anti-Semites.

Also, my favorite moment in the book -- you shall know the bad guys by their clothes:

But as he looked closely at the pinstripes, he noticed they were made up of a nearly microscopic pattern. Tiny letters. Row after row of LTO, LTO, LTO. The letters ran together, forming the distinctive pattern LTOLTOLTOLTOLTOLTOLTOLTO that from even two feet away just looked like normal striping.

The three were trading contact information when it struck Kenny that maybe it wasn't LTO at all. Maybe it was TOL.

Yes. The bad guys will make themselves obvious by their pinstripes. ;) (TOL is the acronym for The Other Light, the group of folks who have decided to worship Satan instead of God. Why they would do this isn't exactly made clear in the book -- well, other than the prophecy says it has to happen that way. We can't argue with prophecy, can we?)

Anyway, the story was boring, the conflict lacking, and Jenkins is so afraid of blasphemy, he makes his God into a robot that can only quote the Bible. :P And that's all she said.

Meh.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Maybe Kenny needed to wash his glasses, and the pinstripes said, "LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL."

[katster.livejournal.com]

I think you just won the Internet.

(Thanks for the laugh.)

-kat

[netdancer.livejournal.com]

This series was so disappointing. I love the Heaven vs Hell conflict theme; this guy just butchered it and he wasn't even a passable writer on top of it.

[shadur.livejournal.com]

I'll never cease to be amazed at people who read the premise of the LB series and then somehow assume that the books aren't going to suck horribly...

I mean, come on: It's essentially wish fulfillment bible fanfiction written by religious nutcases. Not even Heinlein would be able to prevent that combination from sucking.

[tanesmuti.livejournal.com]

Not to mention ties to the Dominionist gaggle... who're, by far, scarier than anything I can imagine.

[netdancer.livejournal.com]

Yes it is, but man, that could have been written better by ME and I'm a witch. I wanted something like "Prophecy" and I got "The Possession of Emily Rose".

It almost makes me want to do the damn series myself, and see if it sells the same way. That actually isn't that bad an idea; wonder if I could get the Catholic church onboard to vet my data, being as I'm a sinful pagan. :)

HAH!

[lirazel.livejournal.com]

Anyway, the story was boring, the conflict lacking, and Jenkins is so afraid of blasphemy, he makes his God into a robot that can only quote the Bible.

Heh. It always amazes me when people interpret the end of Revelations to mean that God's saying, "I ain't talking to YOU any more, nyahnyahnyah."

[underpope.livejournal.com]

I haven't read much of the Left Behind series -- actually, I couldn't make it through book one. The writing is bad, but the theology is worse. LeHaye & Jenkins represent everything that is bad about modern Christianity and have done more to tarnish the faith in the mind of the public than any liberal Methodist could ever have done, in my opinion.

What makes me really LOL (or TOL or LOT or whatever) is this: why do folks who insist on a literal interpretation of the Bible get so loosey goosey when it comes to Revelation? C'mon, Revelation said it was going to be a beast with seven horns, and I don't think anything like that showed up in the LH books. Where are the locusts that look like men? What they mean by a "literal interpretation" is usually "an interpretation that literally makes me the good guy and you the bad guy".

Eesh.

Fred Clark over at Slactivist has been doing a fine job of deconstructing Left Behind from a more traditionally Christian point of view (which L & J do not represent -- the dominionist interpretation Christianity is a very recent phenomenon, and almost uniquely American, and by no means "traditional" or "conservative"). Check it out here.

Heh. Sorry. This be one of my buttons. ;-)

[tanesmuti.livejournal.com]

How the Dommies *couldn't* be a button for anyone informed about their activities is beyond me.

[katster.livejournal.com]

*grin* Yeah, Fred's been doing wonderful work. I never miss a Left Behind Friday if I can help it.

No, I actually stumbled across the series back when it started, and I read it through to the bitter end because (a) know your enemy, and (b) I've got family who believe every word in those books, and it gives us something else to talk about than the endless questions as to whether my boyfriend is a Christian or where I'm going to church these days.

That said, I've got a certain soft spot for bad Revelation fanfic. (I collect the stuff. Left Behind is actually rather good in comparison to, say, 666 by Salem Kirban.) But I stumbled across the book in a Christian bookstore when I was rather obsessed with Revelation and end times theology, and I've just kept reading them.

That said, this was the one I was looking forward to. There's not much written in the Millennial Kingdom, but there's so much that can be done with the whole theme. Why would somebody rebel when the Power that Is is accessible to everybody? How does one rebel in the benevolent dictatorship? (And yeah, I know, humans are base creatures, but in storytelling, that's a bit of a cop. Tell me why they're rebelling. Make it make *sense*, for crying out loud.)

Also, in LB, the "locusts that look like men" are there. They're in book 5, and yes, they actually *are* locusts that look like men. I guess I'll give Jenkins some credit for being absolutely literal in that place. But the beast? Nope. Not that I remember.

Besides, the other good thing about reading them is to remember that yes, I can write better than Jerry Jenkins.

-kat

[underpope.livejournal.com]

I've got a certain soft spot for bad Revelation fanfic

That's a phrase you don't see every day. It made me laugh out loud, drawing curious looks from my cats.

Also, in LB, the "locusts that look like men" are there. They're in book 5, and yes, they actually *are* locusts that look like men. I guess I'll give Jenkins some credit for being absolutely literal in that place.

*grin* Okay. As I said, I couldn't make it through book one.

Besides, the other good thing about reading them is to remember that yes, I can write better than Jerry Jenkins.

I've got a couple of books in my library that serve exactly that purpose.

(And yeah, I know, humans are base creatures, but in storytelling, that's a bit of a cop. Tell me why they're rebelling. Make it make *sense*, for crying out loud.)

I don't get the impression that L&J are into good storytelling so much as they are in creating a compelling, almost fear-mongering theology.

[lirazel.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God. (and I say that with all reverence) I had almost managed to completely forget the existance of Salem Kirban.

I am reminded of a joke.

A Christian dies, and, just as advertised, goes to heaven. An angel is showing her around, and the place is wonderful. Parties everywhere, the glory of God manifesting all over the place, everyone suddenly able to sing on key, etc., etc.

And she comes to a wall. A wall that's infinitely high and low, but that appears to bound a large square area. She puts her ear against it, and hears that there are souls in there, enjoying themselves just as long and loud as the souls outside. She looks at the angel, who shrugs and says,

"That's the Holiness Temple of Christ in the Bible of Prophecy (Reformed). They think they're the only ones here."

[zibblsnrt.livejournal.com]

To most inerrantists, a literal interpretation translates as a translation that's literal only when convenient, which is why pi doesn't equal three and most of them don't call for applying Levitican law to day-to-day life even as they claim that every syllable is divine law.

It's hypocritical, of course, but then again inerrantism is pretty much a form of idolatry in the first place, so they've already got one foot in that boat.

[kathryn-ironic.livejournal.com]

The Slacktivist LB Friday inspired a blog for people wanting to rewrite scenes or stories well.

For example, if you're a child and you've just seen your parents dropped into the earth- that is, you're a Child of the Goats- what would you do the next week? Sit around and ask adults to read you Bible stories?

Read Ako's "children of the goats" at http://exharpazo.blogspot.com/

Or right after the rapture, would ob/gyn's and womens clinics have nothing to do, as J&H write it? No. J&H are idiots. http://exharpazo.blogspot.com/2007/04/zero-business.html

[underpope.livejournal.com]

There's no question that J&L are idiots.

I'm going to take a moment now and boggle at the shrinking size of my world, since you and katster seem to know each other. Eek.

[fearghaill.livejournal.com]

As I said in IRC last night, letting Jews who didn't convert into heaven doesn't mean he's an anti-Semite. I assume that members of any other faith that does not accept Jesus as Lord and Saviour were barred from God's kingdom as well, so "anti-Semite" is a far too narrow a description.

To accurately describe the author's bigotry, we'd need to up the anti's a fair bit.

[fearghaill.livejournal.com]

err, that should be "NOT letting Jews who didn't convert..."