thinking

[katster]

So...based on what you know of me, how would you describe me to somebody else?

'cause I find I'm in a bit of need of outside reassurance even though it belies any claims of self-actualization I might want to make. 'cause I'm nowhere near self-actualization, so...

I find myself hesitant to ask this, because last time I got what sorta appeared to me to look like I was a lesser person because I had to ask for this sort of thing. And yeah, maybe I am. But it does make it really difficult to ask for it when I need it.

And yeah, that's about it.

Comments

[katster.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's a tough question.

(and I've been pondering how to answer this for the last two days and not really sure how to answer. Granted, you can see what's overtaken me.)

And the best answer I can come up with is "Are you really sure you want to know?" Because it varies with mood. And if you don't believe me, you can ask zibblsnrt, who's privy to my thoughts throughout cycles in my mood, and he can tell you how my self image changes.

I think the codiene, strangely enough, is getting me out of a depressive rut, but that could be because of the way it works. I dunno.

So yeah, the answer really seems to be a combination of "Do you wanna know?" and "Which mood?"

-kat

[anahata56.livejournal.com]

In your first post, you talked about "self-actualization"--the emphasis there is on the word "self"--the actualization naturally follows.

When I have a lot of "chatter" from the outside, telling me that I am this or that, good OR bad, I actually find myself losing my sense of self, because all of those who are outside of me are like the old blind men with the elephant. One grabs a trunk, one grabs an ear, and everyone thinks they know all about me, but all they know is a PART of me. The only one who can know me is me--and the only way I can know me is to keep looking. And that internal looking needs to be objective and without judgment--just an observation, knowing that all that I see is neither good nor bad, but just what IS. And there are some things that I would like to alter, and some leave alone, but there is always the sense that what is there is what is there--and there is no need to judge it, even if it is something I want to change.

You do a lot of worrying about what other people think, and have a tendency to "take your temperature" by asking people outside yourself. And everyone tells you--but they are blind old men, seeing only this thing or that thing and thinking it is the whole. And when we do this, we get confused--because the actualization is not from the self, but from the sometimes false perceptions of others.

Go inside. Have a look. And then tell US who you are.

We can tell YOU who we see, but more than likely we only have grabbed a tail or an ear or a trunk, and have no idea about who the real you, the whole you, the multi-faceted you, is at all.

Being known is about self-knowledge followed by self-revelation, not testing the reflection you see in other people's eyes and trying to mould ourselves into being what other people see.

I have come to the realization that there are really very few people that we meet in our lives who actually KNOW us--really and truly. And that if I base my self-perception on the often extremely flawed perceptions of others, I get a very weird picture of who I am.

But I can know myself, by going inside and looking. And then strive to reveal what I find to others in the most honest way I can.

As to "which mood" and "do I really want to know?"--that hardly matters. All of those moods are you, and whether I want to know or not matters not at all when it comes to your being who you are.

If I don't want to know, that's MY problem, and one you don't have to worry about. You just BE--and let me wrestle with the "wanting to know"! ;)