o/~ and hell is deeper than the sea o/~
Apr. 3rd, 2002 02:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
katsterskip if you don't want to read downers.
i hate depression. i really do.
I should go to bed when this happens, but I don't particularly want to spend the next hour crying into my pillow.
I'm hurting for a lot of reasons, hell, I don't even know the half of them. my mind has a mind of its own.
but it doesn't matter, really it doesn't. it's all stupid. stupid kat shouldn't hurt. stupid kat shouldn't beat herself up over things she can't fix. stupid stupid dumb stupid kat shouldn't hurt, should not care what others think, should not care. should not feel. if you didn't feel, you wouldn't hurt. if you didn't feel, you wouldn't constantly feel something was horribly wrong.
stupid stupid kat, for wanting something she can't have. stupid kat. stupid stupid stupid.
why? why me? why do i take on the burdens of the earth, like atlas, while other uncaring folks get to play and not shoulder their burden? And why can't I say enough?
why won't it just go away and leave me alone!
stupid kat who can't even help the friends she got. stupid stupid stupid kat.
anyway, I guess I am off to cry in that pillow. sorry for being such a downer again.
i hate depression. i really do.
I should go to bed when this happens, but I don't particularly want to spend the next hour crying into my pillow.
I'm hurting for a lot of reasons, hell, I don't even know the half of them. my mind has a mind of its own.
but it doesn't matter, really it doesn't. it's all stupid. stupid kat shouldn't hurt. stupid kat shouldn't beat herself up over things she can't fix. stupid stupid dumb stupid kat shouldn't hurt, should not care what others think, should not care. should not feel. if you didn't feel, you wouldn't hurt. if you didn't feel, you wouldn't constantly feel something was horribly wrong.
stupid stupid kat, for wanting something she can't have. stupid kat. stupid stupid stupid.
why? why me? why do i take on the burdens of the earth, like atlas, while other uncaring folks get to play and not shoulder their burden? And why can't I say enough?
why won't it just go away and leave me alone!
stupid kat who can't even help the friends she got. stupid stupid stupid kat.
anyway, I guess I am off to cry in that pillow. sorry for being such a downer again.
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Date: 2002-04-03 05:46 am (UTC)Sometimes we feel all the pain of the world, in indiscribible weight crushing down on us. Means we are human. I hate it when it happens but I wouldn't give up even a second of it. It means we care. How do you handle it? Like Shadur said. You rant and rail and scream and kick and cry. You share in that collective pain and you lessen it.