you win.

[katster]

pain.

all that's out there. pain. *sigh* i suck.

if you don't want to be friends with me, i can understand. i'm mean, petty, vindictive, all those things. i'm a horrible person.

maybe, just maybe, i don't need to be here anymore. what here is is left to the viewer. i won't be stupid, don't worry about that part. not here doesn't involve giving up my life, i'm not that selfish.

*sigh* be back in a few days, with posts. Maybe. we'll see if i can climb out of this pit. or go find myself on the mountaintop.

see you when i come back.

Comments

[fearghaill.livejournal.com]

...No. You're mistaken, kat. Your mistaken about yourself, and You're mistaken if you think your friends are going to abandon you. I know I can't speak for everyone, but I can't see any of your current friends turning their back on you, no matter how justified you think it would be. I know that it'll take a hell of a lot to get me to stop being your friend.

It seems to me you're going through a tough time, and although I have no idea what caused it or why, I can still state with certainty that I still consider you a friend, and will remain such for some time. If you need anything, just let me know.

[kuangning]

Doug's absolutely right. Can't speak for everyone, but he speaks for me. I'm not going anywhere; I'll be right here when the storm blows over. *hugs.* And if you need me before the storm blows over, you know I'll be right here then, too. Friendship's not just being around in the good times.

As for being petty, vindictive... well, we all have our bad times, we all have our faults, and you're as entitled to your hurts and your anger as anyone else. It'll be okay, and you're not a bad person just because you can't be calm and unruffled all the time. Sometimes you just have to scream to be heard, you know? We've all been there.

[tanesmuti.livejournal.com]

number 1: yes, there's tons of potential pain out there in the world. lying about that, or deluding oneself into thinking otherwise is just stupid. you're not stupid, you know this first hand and though it gets you down sometimes, you're too strong of a person to let it keep you plastered to the floor. it's part of being a mature adult, not throwing a temper tantrum whenever the world doesn't go your way, and we all admire that quality in you.

number 2: how much of this is the depression talking? how much of it can be blamed on uncertainty because of stuff that happened in the past? sometimes a comfy chair, a deep breath or two and a long think about things is all you need, will this help right now? i know it's hard not to panic and let things overwhelm you all at once :P

number 3: you're not mean, petty or vindictive. period. and you'll have to prove otherwise before i'll let you keep those brownie badges and titles.
in all the years i've known you, i've noticed one thing that sends you into a funk faster than anything else, and that is the thought that someone either doesn't like you, or isn't your friend. and as hard as it may be to accept, you can't be friends with everyone, kat. you can't *make* everyone like you. and furthermore, you don't need to. it's ok to not be friends with everyone you meet. not being friends doesn't necessarily mean you have to be at war with people either, it's not a black and white situation. there are too many people in this world for you to be friends with them all, some of them are going to have to be strangers and mere acquiantances and some of them are going to hate your guts right off the bat, for whatever reason. it's not the end of the world, that involves lots of cheese and flying monkeys. ;)

[theomachio.livejournal.com]

{{{HUG}}}. Just {{{HUG}}}.

[lurkerdrome.livejournal.com]

No idea what the heck is going on, but I'll pitch in a great big *HUG* too...you shouldn't cut yourself so low. You're one of the most mellow people I know, I can't picture you being any of those things you called yourself. Everyone has bad days...bad weeks...bad years...whatever the case may be, it's just something that happens, and the people who really care about you will understand and won't let that screw things up. *hugs*

[zorbathut.livejournal.com]

well, I still want to be friends with you.

[nekoneko.livejournal.com]

I'd share my candy with you.. and damnit, I don't share! So what's that tell you?

...

To eat candy, of course!

...

Er.. wait.. that's not right. Now I'm confused. Darnit. *sulks*

[nekoneko.livejournal.com]

(You smiled, and I know it! ^_~)

Aargh...

[jrenken.livejournal.com]

FWIW, I have to disagree here. You're by far one of the most reasonable and overall best people I know. I'm sorry I've been so quiet recently...please remind me to actually talk. ^_^;

I hope you feel better soon. *hugs*

[madforry.livejournal.com]

jeez, kat. I never said or thought anything of the sort. I know that wasn't just directed at me, but it hurts that you think that we don't care.



Now I know I haven't been the best of online friends, but you are still a friend to me, and I hope you feel the same way.

Your friend until the heat death of the universe
Michael a.k.a. madforry