you win.

[katster]

pain.

all that's out there. pain. *sigh* i suck.

if you don't want to be friends with me, i can understand. i'm mean, petty, vindictive, all those things. i'm a horrible person.

maybe, just maybe, i don't need to be here anymore. what here is is left to the viewer. i won't be stupid, don't worry about that part. not here doesn't involve giving up my life, i'm not that selfish.

*sigh* be back in a few days, with posts. Maybe. we'll see if i can climb out of this pit. or go find myself on the mountaintop.

see you when i come back.

Comments

[tanesmuti.livejournal.com]

number 1: yes, there's tons of potential pain out there in the world. lying about that, or deluding oneself into thinking otherwise is just stupid. you're not stupid, you know this first hand and though it gets you down sometimes, you're too strong of a person to let it keep you plastered to the floor. it's part of being a mature adult, not throwing a temper tantrum whenever the world doesn't go your way, and we all admire that quality in you.

number 2: how much of this is the depression talking? how much of it can be blamed on uncertainty because of stuff that happened in the past? sometimes a comfy chair, a deep breath or two and a long think about things is all you need, will this help right now? i know it's hard not to panic and let things overwhelm you all at once :P

number 3: you're not mean, petty or vindictive. period. and you'll have to prove otherwise before i'll let you keep those brownie badges and titles.
in all the years i've known you, i've noticed one thing that sends you into a funk faster than anything else, and that is the thought that someone either doesn't like you, or isn't your friend. and as hard as it may be to accept, you can't be friends with everyone, kat. you can't *make* everyone like you. and furthermore, you don't need to. it's ok to not be friends with everyone you meet. not being friends doesn't necessarily mean you have to be at war with people either, it's not a black and white situation. there are too many people in this world for you to be friends with them all, some of them are going to have to be strangers and mere acquiantances and some of them are going to hate your guts right off the bat, for whatever reason. it's not the end of the world, that involves lots of cheese and flying monkeys. ;)