this is the nature of the game

[katster]

Holy goddamn, Preacher.

As most of you are aware, I'm manic-depressive, and I struggle with issues about taking my pills properly.  But I think I'll try again.  As best as I can.

I'm not sure it'll help this level of depression I've found myself in through this whole spring, and exacerbated from the trip to Sac and other general issues of parental stuff.  As I've maybe hinted, I'm faced with the choice of either staying in Redding, a place which i hate and which there doesn't seem to be a job for me, or I move to Sac and live six months to a year in a bedroom barely big enough for my *bed*, let alone stuff like my books or computing hardware.

And I thought we *learned* what happens when I get stuck in a very small room from my junior year of college.  And this time, I don't even have the option to loft the bed.

Oh well.  I'll survive somehow, I have every other time.  Right?

Comments

Take. The. Pills.

[lirazel.livejournal.com]

Seriously, when you have enough RL issues to be depressed about--situational issues that should change over time--that is no time to be messing around with the drugz. I know you hate them, and they fsck up your body, but think of them as a coping tool. Or Vitamin P.

Awesome link, btw. Thanks!

(Is it appropriate to ask why your parents seem to be treating you like Crazy Aunt Sadie? I mean, you only came home instead of looking for work after graduation because your mother needed you so badly. Do they not want you at home any more?)

::stops writing before she pens an angry Open Letter to the Parents of a Depressed Genius::

[salinn.livejournal.com]

I love to hear you talk about this, and the link was great, especially since now having a roommate who is depressed pre-meds (she goes in for meds again tomorrow). She only has mild depression but I know I see a different "her" than other people do, that I didn't know before she moved in with me in March. She gets really sulky about things that she can't control, sometimes about things that I do that bug her, but she doesn't say anything about it, so I don't know they bug her. Sometimes they bug her because of her ideas of how roommates "should" work not agreeing with the way I think they should work. The normal communication stuff. But it's like she doesn't open up to me like she did when she was just my friend.

I know a big part of it is that she's lonely and I have this guy that's friends with me that she's jealous of his time with me. She's mad because I don't want or need a guy right now, yet I have this guy's attention randomly and she is single and has no one that's interested in her. She has this "checklist" for what a guy should be like that she wants to date next and it's got some insanely high standards on it. I also have always found it easy to talk to guys, and she doesn't have that quality.

The thing that's most confusing with her, is that every 3rd day or so, she'll feel like herself, and then her reactions with me are like, "everything's cool" and it's like she's never been cross with me or sulky or depressed. Just like she comes out of her bad mood every once in a while. That throws me for a loop because I know the next day it goes back to the same old thing.

I miss the old her, when she was on meds. I'm glad she's doing it again. I have no idea, and I don't claim to know, that I know what people with depression feel when they are like that. But I do know now what living with someone with just mild depression is like, and yes, medication is important, no matter how much you want to be yourself without it. One of my psych professors told us once that if you have a problem with your body that requires meds, people have less of a problem accepting that than they do accepting that they need to take something to fix a problem in the mind.

I do hope you feel like yourself and are free to be you very soon (job and living situation and all that). :)

link copied

[andreas_schaefer]

will broach subjet with my doctor next time I see him.

Wishing for you you will find something better than just surviving.

Your situation ( and mine) reminds me of that Grimm fairytale :the bremen town musicians What that English version leaves out is that the group as it builds invites each new member with the words "well we are going to Bremen to apply for the job of town musicians And something better than death we can find anywhere. " And that little piece of optimism I clutch to keep myself going.

Academic footnote: Bremen being on of the big ports ( virtually all coffee and tea [ and spice] comes through the city state of Bremen, I wonder if the fairy tale reflects the decisions of the many who decided to seek for a better life elswhere and emigrate to America and elsewhere. It may well have been thatmany of those trips started with a trek to Bremen.

[http://users.livejournal.com/killjoy_/]

*hugs*

Hey, it's been a while. Sorry I've not been around much or talkative or anything... I'm listening though. Afraid of talking for fear of hurting more than anything. Maybe that sounds familiar. I'm starting to sidle up to the fact that I need to talk to someone and get back on medication of some sort, because things are pretty gloriously not working. Still don't like the idea.

At any rate, thoughts with you, and I hope you take care as best you can.