song meme and musing

[katster]

See a small sample of my random musical collection! But I'm still mostly a folkie.

King's Song, Jim Croce
After All, Dar Williams
Trois Navires de Ble, Great Big Sea
September When It Comes, Roseanne Cash (with Johnny Cash)
The Deserter, Fairport Convention
Every New Day, Five Iron Frenzy
Rene and Georgette Magritte With Their Dog After the War, Paul Simon

That was harder than it looked. Finding songs I like that begin with K...well, it was this or 'Kodachrome' by Paul Simon, and I'd already used him.

Anyway, I really hate the "friends" terminology, because somebody dropped me from her friends list (doubly unfortunate, because she's a great storyteller and all her posts are friends-only), and it's hitting me the wrong way. And it's stupid that it hurts, but it does. Granted, if I had anything to say about it...

I dunno if I can do that friends amnesty thing, it really bothers me that people leave without telling me why, and I'm not sure I could let that go.

So...yeah, is this stupid, to be slightly upset over a defriending? I know the answer is probably yes, but I'm curious as to what you all say.

Comments

[maruchan.livejournal.com]

I don't think I would call it "stupid"...Sure, it might be a result of oversensitivity or something, but I think a lot of people go through the same feelings, so it's understandable. At any rate, it seems reasonable to ask why.

I agree with you about the terminology..."Journals I Read" would be better and more accurate sometimes.

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

No, definitely not stupid to be upset about defriending. I was going to say that it was stupid to be upset about being upset, but then I realised that wasn't true either. And I'm not sure if you're upset that you're upset that you're upset, but if you were that would be eminently sensible :)

For what it's worth...

[64tbird.livejournal.com]

I dunno if I can do that friends amnesty thing, it really bothers me that people leave without telling me why, and I'm not sure I could let that go.

In my experience, the "Friends" list thing is like this...

I started out adding everyone I could find that I knew.

Then I tarted finding that some people I simply read out of obligation, not because it touched me personally in anyway. Well, a good example of this for me is sailorjim. I put him on my list, 'cos, well, he's Sailor Jim. But I took him off because we didn't interact much, if at all. I still read his LJ when I'm in the mood, but he doesn't pop right up with my friends.

The friends I keep are the ones I am interested in reading, people I interact with, usually whose lists I am also on. It's like real life; Some people I am actually friends with, others I know, but I don't call them or visit them often.

Other reasons for removing people from my list include blatant and open disagreement on fundamental issues. I was sorry to remove elusis and to see her remove me, but it was clear we had diametrically opposed views on life and we were more often than not disagreeing in ways that made us feel bad. We never discussed it, it was just obvious that it needed to be done.

My point is, that if someone removes you, you will either know why, if there was a problem, or it's likely because life got too busy to read people with whom they didn't interact regularly and there is no problem at all. Or like I did a few months ago, they will announce a major simplifying of LJ for whatever reason.

The bottom line is, we don't all find each other interesting. In my case, I read lots of people from AC, but I found in LJ we just didn't have much in common for whatever reason. No judgement, just no "click" as it were.

I do find myself scanning the Friends lists of friends, and seeing if I find new people or if I am suddenly interested in things I wasn't interested in before.

And this was such a long dull reply, I'll be surprised if you don't remove me!

[katster.livejournal.com]

Naw. I've always admired your posts in a.c, and I'm finding your LJ posts are similiar. I don't comment much, but I do read, and I think you're cool.

It's doubly conflicting, and the fact that all the code is tied into both permissions to read journals and who's reading your journal.

I do use a default_view filter, but 99% of the people on my friends list are on it. I use it as a timeout zone, mostly, if I'm finding I can't deal with somebody's posts for some reason, and I'm fairly consistently updating it. Defriendsing, to me, has seemed like a last ditch sort of thing. So, sometimes it gets difficult about realizing that other people think differently about this.

BTW, have you seen your friends of friends list? Yours would be at http://www.livejournal.com/users/64tbird/friendsfriends, and it aggregates all the people on your friends' friends list into one huge file. (And it strips out the people you already have on your list.) And if you add a ?show=P onto the end of that URL, so it reads http://www.livejournal.com/users/64tbird/friendsfriends?show=P, it'll only show people your friends have friended.

It's kinda neat.

Sorry about the long comment, but there was a lot to say. Thanks for commenting.

-kat

[64tbird.livejournal.com]

Cool! Thanks!