ghost in the machine

[katster]

I’ve been feeling the urge to be a bit more private with a lot of things lately. I’m not sure if this is due to free-floating stress, an onset of depression, the ravenous anxiety beast, or other factors in my life. I’m not going to deny they all play a part. Also, time has not been on my side recently, and it’s lead to my being a ghost in the machine — an occassional random comment on LJ or Facebook or Twitter, and that’s all.

But the life of a spectre in a world of digital bits is a quiet and lonely life, so I’m just checking to see if there’s folks out there. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about the privacy urge, because it’s probably better that I get out what’s in my head as opposed to keeping it all bottled in, but I’m not sure where.

And I’m not sure when.

All I know is that I’m trying to get off the anxiety train, a thing which is anxiety-provoking in and of itself. I have taken the first steps of trying to do this, and I have a good therapist. But that’s not enough — I need friends. But I’m not sure I’m capable of being a good friend in return right now, and that’s what worries me.

I will hang on — I do nothing better. But hanging on isn’t living, y’know?

Originally published at retstak.org. You can comment here or there.

Comments

[mrfnord.livejournal.com]

I have always been here...

[joii.livejournal.com]

necessary but not sufficient.
We're here.

[salinn.livejournal.com]

I am out here. But work ate me and hasn't spit me out yet. Which is harder to deal with...the anxiety train or the meta awareness of it all? Don't worry about being a good friend right now, we know you are already a good friend and like my friends deal with my general crankypantsness during tax season, people are still here for you, at least as much as we can be in our own issues...

[beki.livejournal.com]

I'm here, but I've been busy too. I do read though. I'm just not terribly exciting ;)

[kshandra]

I need friends. But I’m not sure I’m capable of being a good friend in return right now, and that’s what worries me.

My dear, I have said that very thing more than once in my life....

I'll do my best to send you random pings (knowing me, they'll be extremely random).

[zibblsnrt.livejournal.com]

*honk*

[ceemage.livejournal.com]

I need friends. But I’m not sure I’m capable of being a good friend in return right now, and that’s what worries me.

True friends don't balance off the friendship ledger on a short-term basis.

If you feel the need to vent more in private, you could start doing friends-locked posts directly on LJ.

[madforry.livejournal.com]

Always willing to lend a long-distance ear to listen to you Katya.

[archangelbeth]

I'm suspect I'm really only a friendly acquaintance, as my kid's behaviorist does the "circle of friends" thing... But I'm thinking of you!

As a totally stupid question... Do you think that it might be worth being tested for Vitamin B levels? I'm never one to say, "Oh, vitamins, they'll solve everything!" But if you had a deficiency, it might take the edge off of mood issues to fix the deficiency.

Which is me wanting to help, so if that's not-helpful... pretend I said something helpful instead? >_>

*offers internet scritchies*

[vacheestfachee.livejournal.com]

*HUG*

[lirazel.livejournal.com]

You know where to find me... and I know where to find you! Which, as the WOW says constantly, is all good.

[chuckconnor.livejournal.com]

Hey Lady!

Den and I are here with a big stick (to beat the crap out of that guilt monster you seem to be fighting at the moment) and a whole lot of love for whenever you need it (today, tomorrow, whenever.)

Seriously, you'll never be stranger than us - er - sorry! - You'll never be A stranger TO us!, no matter what.

[spitgirl.livejournal.com]

Harro... still reading!

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