The Canonical List of UC Lightbulb Jokes

[katster]

Q. How many UCSD students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

Q. How many UCSC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Eleven. One to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience

Q. How many UC Davis students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, Davis doesn't have electricity.

Q. How many UCSF students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to keel over from the pressure.

Q. How many UCSB students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

Q. How many Cal students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Seventy-eight. One to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right not to change and of the fascist oppressors who made it change, twenty-five to organize a counter-protest, and two to drop acid and stare at all the pretty colors.

Q. How many UCI students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, Irvine looks better in the dark. (Ditto Riverside!)

Q. How many UCLA students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One, but she just holds the bulb and the world moves around her.

(and my own addition)

Q. How many UC Merced students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Due to the budget crisis, no lightbulbs have been allocated.

[Edit: A few more!

How many UC Riverside students does it take to change a light bulb?
Riverside looks better in the dark.

How many UC Irvine students does it take to change a light bulb?
Irvine looks even better than Riverside in the dark.

(to be honest, I like this sequence slightly better than the "(ditto riverside)" bit.

Q: How many UC Irvine students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to hire the undocumented worker mowing the lawn to do it for them. ]

Comments

[siliconshaman.livejournal.com]

I know one kinda like that...
How many Mol.Gene students does it take to change a lightbulb...
that all depends on what you want it changing into!

[therealocelot.livejournal.com]

Oh no! Good thing I have a laptop with a battery...

[bmbeaver.livejournal.com]

Those were fun. Thanks. :)

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

Clint says UC Merced hasn't installed the light sockets yet anyway. ;D

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Hey! Riverside looks just as good in the daytime as it does in the dark - and it looks damn good either way.

*miffed*

[fb.livejournal.com]

Hehe, I remember running across that list when I was at Oregon. I think one of us may have sent it to the other. ;)

[katster.livejournal.com]

Hehe!

I tease jillcaligirl with that one all the time, because that's where she goes to school. It's actually one of my favourites. (Of course, I like the one mocking my own school the best.)

Speaking of which, once I get to the Sacred Tomato, y'mind me sneaking over Davis way sometime to catch up with you and koyote and meet Leif?

-kat

[katster.livejournal.com]

bwah! that's funny.

Yeah, I posted these so folks would get a small laugh. :)

-kat

[katster.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I almost debated saying that, but I decided to go with the lightbulb comment.

Besides, because of various state bugetary crises, it seems Merced keeps getting pushed further back... ;)

It's kinda sad, because they said they'd like to put in three new UCs, and Merced just barely beat out Redding for the first one. UC Redding would so help this place stop being a hick backwater, or so I think.

-kat

[katster.livejournal.com]

Awww. :(

They're all playing on stereotypes. I mean, it's not like Berkeley's a seething mass of protesting at all times either. ;)

(I thought of you as I was typing that one in, and I thought to myself, "I really wish there was a better lightbulb joke for Riverside, instead of being an afterthought on Irvine's...")

Here's a slight variation, giving Riverside the slight advantage over Irvine:

How many UC Riverside students does it take to change a light bulb?
Riverside looks better in the dark.

How many UC Irvine students does it take to change a light bulb?
Irvine looks even better than Riverside in the dark.

But all of 'em that I can find seem to make the "looks better in the dark" crack. I'm sorry. :(

-kat

[katster.livejournal.com]

Well, I know I found these ones on a NutriSci prof's door, and copied them into my notebook. Dunno if I passed them onto you or not back in the day, but I'm sure I told them at some point or another.

There's a similiar list of Pac-10 lightbulb jokes running around (I seem to recall Oregon and UCSB sharing a punchline, for example).

-kat

[katster.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. :)

Just wanted to provide a chuckle or two, prove that I'm not totally serious all the time.

How have you been?

-kat

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Clint was peripherally involved with setting up a distance course for an intro programming course out there that never got off the ground, I think. Sigh. Well, fingers crossed.

[maruchan.livejournal.com]

I got a version in my email for colleges around the country...it's interesting to see how the jokes got adapted/recycled. :)

How many students does it take to change a lightbulb at each college?

Vanderbilt: Two--one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to pay the bill

Princeton: Two--one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician

Brown: Eleven--one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the
experience

Dartmouth: None--Hanover doesn't have electricity

Cornell: Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure

Penn: Only one, but he gets six credits for it

Columbia: Seventy-six-- one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter protest

Yale: None--New Haven looKs better in the dark

Harvard: One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him

MIT: Five--one to design a nuclear powered one that never needs
changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch

Vassar: Eleven--one to screw it and ten to support its sexual
orientation

Middlebury: Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion

Stanford: One, dude

Oberlin: Three--one to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one

Georgetown: Four--one to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at the American U. students

Duke: A whole frat--but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket

Williams: The whole student body--when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to do

Tufts: Two--one to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as an Ivy League student

Sarah Lawrence: Five--one to change the bulb and four to do an
interpretive dance about it

Swarthmore: Eight--it's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress

Boston University: Four--one to change the bulb and two to check his math homework

Wesleyan: Wesleyan's boycotting GE... you know, military-industrial complex and all that

Connecticut College: Two--one to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at a better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out

Virginia: Thirteen--Ten to form student committee to vote on whether changing light bulbs is a violation of the Honor Code, one to change the bulb, one to hold the keg the he's standing on, and another to attribute electricity to Mr. Jefferson.

Bowdoin: Three--one to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in

Boston College: Seven--one to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time

Santa Clara University: One--but you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford gets press for changing their lightbulbs