yet more flotsam and jetsam from katster's crazy mind

[katster]

There is so much I want to write about, and so little time that I haven't found much to say about anything. I'm a little slow on getting answers to that meme out too, I might point out, because I've sorta found at least a little bit of a groove for my fiction writing, even if it is only half a scene here and half a scene there. It keeps me from going completely off the deep end -- well, that and the happy pills the doctor gives me.

Speaking of the happy pills, I decided to be good again, and I've been taking them somewhat faithfully for the last week or week and a half. So maybe that's helping somewhat with the production values. I have no idea, sometimes I wonder if the whole bipolar thing is this elaborately constructed thing that lets me justify what I'm doing. I mean, that I'm not really sick, and the whole thing is an elaborate explanation for why I'm such a lazy shiftless slacker at times. Because I feel like I should be able to handle the weight of the world. And the fact that I'm so obviously not...

Anyway, I'm going to start working on the answers to this post tomorrow, and if you haven't gotten a request in, then go ahead. Because I don't mind doing them, and I'm probably going to do a few for folks who didn't, simply because I want an excuse to say how great certain people are. (And they're people who wouldn't ask in a million years, a couple of the folks I've got in mind.) If you don't think you deserve warmfuzzies, well, then you prolly need 'em most of all, so put a request in. ;)

And for those who aren't familiar with my radio show on Radio Free Mars, I figured I would remind you of it. It's every 8 PM to 1 AM Eastern (that's 5-9 Pacific) on Monday nights. Normally, it's mostly sheer randomness, but on the next show we're going to do a theme show. And the theme is "Kickin' It Eighties Style". I've gotten better at not making a fool of myself, so I invite you to tune in. It ought to be a fun show, even if I don't have nearly enough music to make a show right now. By showtime I will. No worries. :)

Other than that, I'm just struggling through, attempting to keep putting one foot in front of the other, just simply attempting to survive. But I'm a survivor. I've done it before, I'll do it again. But now it's time for bed. Or something like that.

Anyway, I should sleep now, it's 4 AM and the alarm is going to go off at 9.

Comments

[millenia.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel. I think my problem with therapy in general and psychoaffective medicine in particular is that it makes me feel like I've done something wrong and I need a crutch to get me through the day, probably having something to do with the social construction of valium when I was growing up. I think neeteeus convinced me I'm likely not manic-depressive but who knows what other stuff lurks in my head... still, I feel like I ought to be able to handle it without talking to someone feigning an interest in my "issues" and pills to stabilize my brain chemistry.

So it's not just you. ^_^

[katmoonshaker.livejournal.com]

::sigh:: No, bipolar is not this thing constructed... yada yada yada... I wish it were... trust me... having lived with the bipolar roller coaster not knowing what it was for many years and then... and then being married to an ultra-ultra-radian swing bipolar with paranoid tendancies... so make that two (count 'em) two rollar coasters... for 15 years... and then... and then folx, two children who are bp... when we split two years ago, they were 9 & 6... so... 6 years of 4... yes, FOUR roller coasters all going at different speeds and different ups and downs all at the same time... it's real. I tell you three times and what I tell three times is true.

[salinn.livejournal.com]

Makes me sad that I dont get off work until 5. I love the 80's! :) But at 6, I'll be listening. (Damn, should have told my parents to come do laundry tomorrow instead of tonight....maybe they won't get there til late.)

Stupid parents, I'm the one that should go to their house to do laundry...

[nekoneko.livejournal.com]

Speaking of the happy pills, I decided to be good again, and I've been taking them somewhat faithfully for the last week or week and a half. So maybe that's helping somewhat with the production values. I have no idea, sometimes I wonder if the whole bipolar thing is this elaborately constructed thing that lets me justify what I'm doing. I mean, that I'm not really sick, and the whole thing is an elaborate explanation for why I'm such a lazy shiftless slacker at times. Because I feel like I should be able to handle the weight of the world. And the fact that I'm so obviously not..."

Guys, I've felt that way too about my depressive disorder and my panic disorder. I've talked to my counselor about it (that's what they're there for, right?!) and she said 1) it's a very very common opinion amongst us, 2) unfortunately, it's a somewhat common asumption amongst onlookers who don't understand, and 3) it's not true.

Our problems are due to chemical imbalances in our mind. They've studied and proven it. I remember a study that in the autopsied brains of schizophrenics, they all had the same part of their brain enlarged (I can't remember what part!), just as an example. Stress and trauma only accentuate our problems and make them harder to deal with. And it's the problems themselves that lead us to the self-criticizing trains of thought, such as "this isn't real, I'm just looking for a crutch." So please please please try not to feel that way about yourselves. We have enough problems already.

*hugs to the both of ya!*