finding one's path.

[katster]

Been reading through one of the books Ari gave me for my birthday (picking three books off my amazon wish list, but she done chose well.) :) (The book in question is called Finding One's Religion by the Rev. Scotty McLennan (whom, I guess was the inspiration for one one of the characters in Gary Trudeau's Doonesbury, but I do digress). Anyway, I'm not done with this, but I just had this thought that I sorta wanted to share while I was thinking.

While I was reading, and thinking of my own struggles and spiritual crises, and the numerous times I've cried out to a god in which I was only half sure I believed. The "Why, God, why? Why did you put me here to fail, why did you put me here to wrestle with the demons of destruction and despair...why? What good am I, broken and destroyed?"

And I know it had to be in my mind...but...it was just as if I finally got an answer. It went something like this: Silly human, I put you here not to be broken, but to be made whole. And I swear, in some ways...just, whoa...

...it's a bit staggering, and I need to ponder just what this might mean. But I think I suddenly have insight in what the church of my youth meant when they said what it might have meant to be touched by God. At least, at right this moment...

...but whoa. Now let's see how long I can manage to hang onto this insight and build on it. This is my attempt to find my path, yours may be different. More power to you. :)

Comments

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you for sharing this.

[tanesmuti.livejournal.com]

i'm so glad that you've found some inspiration in that book. when i picked out your birthday present, i let my mouse fall over 3 random books, but when i saw it had landed on that one, i knew it would be one you'd get something out of.

Whoa indeed

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

The book that helped me most with that problem was, The Problem of Pain by CS Lewis. I started reading it after I lost my first pregnancy, and was consumed with anger at the injustice of the world, and God.

CS Lewis did not start out Christian. In fact, he thought it was a lot of bunk. And he talks about that, and the logical problems of having a loving God who allows pain to happen. And it .... unknotted my mind in interesting and useful ways.

Lirazel holds her horses

[lirazel.livejournal.com]

And now you're at the point where no one can advise you... except to say that you may be here again and again.

I hold my breath, in fear and trembling. Not because I expect you to have the same experiences that I have had; no, no, NO! But because I recognize in what you have written the voice that speaks to me from time to time. It is a voice I love and reverence.

Oh drat, here I am sitting at work and I feel like dancing!

[freyjaw.livejournal.com]

Oh, I wish I could dance in joy for you!

Sometimes a surgeon needs to re-break a bone to set it truly straight. Here's to hoping you get less breakage and knit up happily!