falling apart again...

[katster]

Ever have the feeling that obliterating yourself would be the best thing for the world?

No, I'm not going to actually off myself (sometimes, the more's my pity), but I'm sorta feeling down and out. I mean, I can't focus again to save my life, I feel lousy about myself and my future (what am I kidding myself? The motivation to get through a Ph.D thesis? I don't even have the motivation to do my fucking homework assignments), the one person I even sorta trust in the putting the pieces back together again is thirtyfive hundred miles away, and I'm just feeling horribly lonely. And there's times when it's hard as hell to figure out what he sees in me, anyway.

I don't have a lot of friends here. Not friends I can confide in, anyway. The friends I trust the most...well, the closest is in San Diego. Well, okay, there's Luns, but we don't talk much about feelings.

what is wrong with me? why am I falling apart at the seams?

why?

it sounds crazy as all get out, but...I just want a hug. That's all.

welcome to hell.