more flotsam from the excavation

This looks like homework from my Drama 10 class, but it gives you some idea of what I was thinking in the early days of my first semester of college:

• I wanted my Uncle Ron to get me some tea.
  
• My Uncle Ron wanted me to have some tea.
  
• My Uncle Ron wanted me to cheer for San Jose.
  
• I wanted him to cheer for Cal.
  
• The BART conductor wanted me to get on the train early.
  
• A cultist monk wanted to give me a book.
  
• I wanted the ASUC to get my drama book in.
  
• I wanted the Rally Committee to excuse me from duty.
  
• Maya wanted me to eat some pizza.
  
• I wanted Aaron to send me an email.

And something else that has struck me:

Compare this story with this one. The first was written in the spring of 1997. The second is still in-progress, but has been picked at over the course of this last semester. The second is a reworking of the first. It just shows how much I've grown as a writer over the course of the last eight years.

Maybe it's time for me to try to write some fiction that might be publishable.

But first, packing and cleaning. Back to work, slacker!

The Canonical List of UC Lightbulb Jokes

Q. How many UCSD students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

Q. How many UCSC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Eleven. One to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience

Q. How many UC Davis students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, Davis doesn't have electricity.

Q. How many UCSF students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to keel over from the pressure.

Q. How many UCSB students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

Q. How many Cal students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Seventy-eight. One to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right not to change and of the fascist oppressors who made it change, twenty-five to organize a counter-protest, and two to drop acid and stare at all the pretty colors.

Q. How many UCI students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, Irvine looks better in the dark. (Ditto Riverside!)

Q. How many UCLA students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One, but she just holds the bulb and the world moves around her.

(and my own addition)

Q. How many UC Merced students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Due to the budget crisis, no lightbulbs have been allocated.

[Edit: A few more!

How many UC Riverside students does it take to change a light bulb?
Riverside looks better in the dark.

How many UC Irvine students does it take to change a light bulb?
Irvine looks even better than Riverside in the dark.

(to be honest, I like this sequence slightly better than the "(ditto riverside)" bit.

Q: How many UC Irvine students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to hire the undocumented worker mowing the lawn to do it for them. ]

Armageddon...

"Some of my best friends are Californians - or so they'd like you to believe, anyway. Hey, the weather's nice at least, but you'd think after a couple of earthquakes, fires, floods and plagues they'd get the message, right? They may like me, but Dad doesn't especially like them."

A rather funny take on the Last Battle. Much much better than that Left Behind dreck I can't leave alone, anyway. ;) And I got a laugh out of the line, being a Californian meself. :)

(As found by Evan, a poster in Slacktivist's comments. Speaking of which, the latter's doing a wonderful job of deconstructing the first book in the aforementioned series.)